You, Me, and the Court of American Equity
when i was a paralegal at a
law firm, i worked in
chancery court,
the court of equity.
chancery seeks to bring
affairs into equilibrium.
it seeks to make things equal,
repair out-of-whack
relationships.
it is a very poetic court.
uses very poetic language.
it has doctrines laid out like
poetry and speaks in dictums.
one is the principle of
unclean hands. it states that no one
can seek remedy in chancery--
no one can seek equity--
unless they
come to the court with clean
hands.
and we seek that daily.
unclean hands
and the stinky bottom.
try to wipe
& you still can't get clean.
that's the source of modern anguish--
wipe and wipe
still can't get clean.
you made the choice
of charmin over white cloud.
or store brand over scott.
you made your choice
& still can't get clean.
you sold out to toilet paper
wipe and wipe
still got shit
between your cheeks.
we've got unclean hands
& it makes us sad.
we think we're clean,
that's what we bought.
but the phoenix is the ashes
& there's no such thing
as tragedy w/o profit.
just one economy
and it feeds us all
it's a morbid thing
& it makes us sad.
we are all in this
economy together.
& it can't be beat
or sold out to &
can only be fed by us
as long as we live--
and or die into ashes.
because the phoenix is the ashes.
here's an example--
flight 800
goes down in the drink.
the sky--
a burning thing.
the ocean-- a horror show.
looks like a tragedy.
lots of death.
fire. rains of fire.
planeload of teenagers
on a senior trip.
but this economics event
(everything is an economic event)
stimulated local economies near where
the plane went down
in many wild and wonderful ways.
like what about the clam dredging ships
that got pressed into service?
they were fallow:
business dried up.
then they are called
right into action
and signed under contract--
get out there, clam dredgers
and scrape the ocean floor
for bodies and plane parts
wrenched into the bed.
new applications for exciting
technologies.
& what about long island hotels
filled to capacity
with the fbi
and ntsb?
and the local bars
holding off-duty reporters
and don't we all know
how good they tip?
don't those bartenders deserve
their profit nights
for being there
when the chips were down?
who's to say
they don't get theirs?
sure, the plane's down.
but the phoenix is the ashes.
and we pull down on the roll
and apply gently, stroke back
and forth between the cheeks we
won't be able to get it all
but we try we try we try.
and the phoenix is the ashes.
here's another example-
oklahoma city bombing
& scottish tim mcveigh
wish it didn't happen
this guy couldn't die
soon enough for me.
glad he's dead.
wish he didn't do it.
but take a look:
broken skull of a building.
children dead.
lots of screams.
looks like a tragedy.
it's got all the fixings.
blood and brains
2 blocks away.
but cnn ratings
went through the roof
and so did the bonuses
of atlanta executives.
and the building boom
in the suburbs of the south
creates lots of jobs
for carpenters & mailmen.
who are you to say
those carpenter's kids
don't get to go to college
on overtime money?
did not raises and bonuses
in marketing departments
across the nation
hinge on post-bomb coverage?
sturdy career moves
grow from
decayed corpses on the
oklahoma landscape like
flagpoles outside the
united nations.
and what about the exhibit books
they needed for the trial
to put our dear bomber
in the electric seat?
need lots of copies.
need a set for the judge.
need a set for the jury.
need a set for the defense.
need a set for the prosecution.
oh my goodness
says kinkos managers
kinkos hires more workers.
got to make more
exhibits for the trial.
bring em in!
give em an application!
get em on the machine!
get this job out the door!
because the phoenix is the ashes.
& it makes us sad inside.
but that doesn't mean
we don't cash that check.
it's unclean hands
& it makes us sad.
don't look back.
cash that check.
the ends don't need
to justify the means
because we are now all means,
there are no ends anymore.
there is only the economy.
how about insurance money?
that's a simple one.
someone dies.
wish they hadn't.
check comes in the mail.
put it in the bank.
get a real estate agent.
buy a house.
agents get theirs.
you're in a house.
you're still sad.
but you cashed that check.
because the phoenix is the ashes.
here's another example.
forest fire burns.
it's a flaming thing.
inferno. charred bark.
steamed ground. trees gone.
but who are we to say
that the little bumbershoot flowers
don't get their chance in the sun?
and who should cry
for those tall trees
with the selfish canopies
sucking up all the sun?
why do we strike our breast for them
and not joy to the flowers?
the little flowers
who try to get up down below
& now they've got their chance.
you see, the phoenix is the ashes.
and it makes us sad inside.
there is no such thing
as a complete tragedy.
just two more examples.
persian gulf war.
750,000 iraqis dead
for great gas prices.
because the phoenix is the ashes.
looks like it was worth it.
3/4 million, a decade of starvation.
babies dying w/o milk.
but what did we get?
sport utility vehicles.
a whole new class of detroit products
and who will rise
against the suv?
Not me.
i've got one too.
it's disgusting and true.
but my babies ride nice.
so we've got it going on.
and it only took 3/4 million,
and a decade of starvation
and stone age privation.
looks like it was worth it.
so keep on drivin'.
don't look back.
cash that check.
feeling good.
it's the buoyant 90s.
don't look back.
keep on drivin'.
cash that check.
because the phoenix is the ashes.
i've got one last example-
clinton's china.
not nice.
repressive & tight.
but jiang zemin comes
and clinton opens arms.
most favored nation!
because they've got markets
& that looks good to us.
c'mon in jiang.
i'm on my knees.
it's gonna taste good
because you're chinese!
1.2 billion.
that's a lot of toilet paper.
so bring 'em in,
clinton says panting.
so keep on drivin'.
don't look back.
it's the buoyant 90s.
cash that check.
feeling good.
it's the buoyant 90s.
don't look back.
keep on drivin'.
cash that check.
it's the buoyant 90s.
it's the buoyant 90s.
it's the buoyant 90s.
so keep your fucking mouth shut.
© 2003 Daniel X. O'Neil
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